This post is part of an ongoing series focused on getting you and your family ready for your photo session. Read other posts right here and check back for more soon.
Ahhh, the never-ending dilemma of parents everywhere — ‘to bribe or not to bribe’ your kids before family photos?
As I’ve discussed before in a slightly dramatic titled blog post, family photo day can be a very stressful time and for many parents, their worst nightmare is the kids not cooperating and it’s tempting to fall back on bribery.
This can definitely be a tricky situation and I’m here to help.
I used to be all about bribery and whatever parents needed to do to get their kids excited about the session and be ‘cooperative’ (which I hate to use, but haven’t found a better word yet).
But after getting more family sessions under my belt, I started noticing something happening, especially as the kids get older. Y’all, the magic of the bribe was wearing off and starting to backfire as kids were quickly losing interest in being ‘cooperative’ at all.
Some kids were becoming so focused on the bribe at the end of the session that they just want to get it done and would do the bare minimum in order to get the promised reward. Next thing you know, the “Are we done yet?” whines start coming fast and furious, inevitably someone in the family gets frustrated, and things quickly go downhill from there.
Another problem I saw was that parents weren’t really prepared for actually following through on their bribery threats and/or what the unintended consequences for the session would be if they did. This is something you and your partner should discuss and be prepared for prior to the session.
Now, ultimately, you know your people best, but I’m here to gently encourage y’all to reconsider ‘the bribe factor’ or at least not make it the first thing y’all resort to. When you book a session with me, I’ll send a detailed guide for getting ready for your session, but I thought I’d share some of my tips here, too.
It’s been my experience that one of the most helpful pieces of advice I can give parents is to be mindful of the way y’all talk about your upcoming session with your kids. There are generally two (totally opposite, I know, sorry!) ways to approach an upcoming session that will depend on the kids’ personalities and ages.
One approach is to hype up the session, talk about it in a positive way, and stress how much fun it will be. If this is your first time or the kids are younger, explain how things will go — who I am and how I’ll ask y’all for lots of hugs, kisses, tickles, love, laughter, dancing, etc, and yes, some smiles — you know, emphasis the good times ahead, not perfect pictures.
The last thing we want is for kids to pick up on any stress or anxiety. Because I promise you, kids totally pick on that energy. I’ve seen it first-hand many times.
The other approach is not to talk about it too much or make a big deal about it, maybe don’t even tell ‘em until shortly before the session. Sometimes when kids sense a big deal thing coming up, they don’t respond with their best selves. And the same thing can go for the adults too, I know I’m guilty at times of the anticipation of something causing all sorts of stress and anxiety.
Also, my longtime clients know I usually have my own special rewards for kids when the session is done, so if things do start to go sideways, we can always fall back on that or bust out your bribe.
Okay, so you know bribery is the best way to go with your crew, now what?
First of all, no judgment from me.
The trickiest part of going the bribery route, however, is that every kiddo is different when it comes to the bribe. For instance, I can clearly recall an at-home newborn session very early on in my photography career and the parents really, really wanted the kids to pose in a certain way and no matter what we tried to use as a bribe, the older sibling would.not.do.it and by the end, the entire family was exhausted by all the effort and we never got the shot.
With many more years of experience under my belt, I now know how to nip that situation in the bud. It didn’t take long to see the attempted bribery was not helping at all and was having a negative effect on the poor kid who did not under any circumstance want to kiss their new sibling.
Since kids have different personalities and like different things, the hard part is not only finding out what works best for your flock but also won’t backfire. Some kids are motivated by candy, others a trip to the playground or special dinner, and for older kids, cold hard cash.
If you decide to use a little bribery to get what you want, here are some other ideas beyond the obvious and popular choices of sweets or cash for older kids:
That awesome toy they’ve been drooling over.
A later bedtime.
Breakfast/Dinner at their favorite spot after the session.
Extra screen time on their favorite device.
A sleepover with a friend.
Extended playtime.
They don’t have to eat their vegetables that night at dinner.
They don’t have to do chores the next day.
Give them back a privilege that’s been taken away the last time they were in trouble.
These are just a starting point to brainstorm your own ideas, and if y’all have your own suggestions for either bribes or thoughts for not bribing your kiddos, I’d love to hear them and I bet other parents would too, so please leave ‘em in the comments.
When there is a limited amount of time for your session (like my Pop-Up Portrait Sessions, which I still have some spots left for if you haven’t booked your session yet), no matter how many times you’ve done family photos, it’s easy to start feeling anxious about being able to get all of the photos that you want.
That’s okay and totally natural.
It’s also okay and totally natural to see bribery as the answer.
I most definitely don’t want you to be stressed out or feel crunched for time because someone is suddenly shy, having a meltdown, or sticking their tongue out at me.
And that’s when — regardless of whether you’ve gone the bribery route or not — it is crucial to trust me as your photographer, allow me to take the wheel, and lead the way. Take a break and let me be the “parent” for a little while.
All you have to do is relax, love on your people, and have some fun. Let your kids be kids and embrace the chaos and natural beauty of your family story.
